Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
