Small penises have feelings too.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize