if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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