God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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