Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
