I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She bit a glass in half.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
