dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
