I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
