i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
