Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
