I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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