How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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