I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
