she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
