I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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