Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize