put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
porn star boner night. come get it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
