Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
