Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
