just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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