My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
