Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
