I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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