Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
