I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
