Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
