Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How does one acquire holy water?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
