just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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