i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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