I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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