he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
