Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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