Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
