I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
