Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
