Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize