Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
