do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
