I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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