Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm like, not good at living.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
