i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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