Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
