so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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