my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
