I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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