The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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