The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
