Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
