well you can't waste a boner
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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