My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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