Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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