He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
