Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
