Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i dont even know how to be here
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am available for nakedness
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
