cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
