I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
