So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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