Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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