I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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