i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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