I wish my penis had an off switch
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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