Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
