I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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