Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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