They should really pass out barf bags in church
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
