oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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