i was born a porn star she said
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
