omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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