I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
two words: eviction party
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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