I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize