The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
