im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
