She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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