I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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