even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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