Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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