dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
