It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and she was petting her beer can
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize