Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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