I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize