We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
