so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
