Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
