and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
