told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
