I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
