He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
