Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
