I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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