I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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