I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
