he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
