You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
