OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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