I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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