I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
