I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize