Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
