im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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