I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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